Happy 11th birthday, Liam

Happy birthday Liam, 11 feels like such a big boy. Two years until you would have been a teenager. It feels so recent and yet, like a lifetime ago. I guess that's just how the human mind processes time and yet, so much has happened that in many ways, it is truly a lifetime ago. Still, you're woven into every part of our lives. Your siblings talk about you often and they often ask questions about you. Your newest sibling, Milo, who we call Smilo, because he's usually smiling (while he causes havoc), is at an age that takes up a lot of our time but we enjoy it, it is a very fun time, as he's constantly learning new things. 

Milo smells like you. It's a very difficult emotion to describe, one that is so full of love but at times, also hurts. It doesn't always hurt the same way and it's never in a negative way. It's a pain, because of so much love and once you learn to live with it, you can be at peace with the pain. It doesn't mean you don't feel it and it doesn't mean it is not an all-complete soul-crushing pain, it just means you learn to bear it.

The fight for 0.05 has and continues to be one of our main focuses through your foundation. After a few years of really low traction due to the pandemic and other political issues, we are finally making some lead way and the last year saw some great wins:

• Washington state saw the bill for .05 pass through the senate.

• We finally have reliable statistics from Utah, the first and only state so far to have lowered the BAC to 0.05; fatalities were down 20% in just a year, further confirming what we already knew from the 100+ countries that already have lowered it.

• In Hawaii, 2026: SB 2463 passed through the Senate and a House Transportation Committee unanimously before stalling in House Judiciary.

• We received a donation and support from Waymo, a company that we are very proud to be working with and being supported by.

• We work closely with MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving), and several other traffic safety organizations. In addition, we are part of the federal 0.05 coalition.

• I was able to speak to over 1,000 people this year on the importance of never drinking and driving, not letting someone else drink and drive and 0.05. From high school students to business professionals, from California to Michigan and New York.

• I spoke at the 43rd Lifesavers National Conference on Roadway Safety, the world’s largest gathering of traffic safety leaders and advocates on 0.05

• We had an ESPN article which covered the work that we do and how we plan to do it.

• And, the biggest win personally, was that AAA finally supported 0.05 BAC officially in California. That has only taken 6 years...

All these wins and mile stones and yet, I have to remember why we fight and they are wins I'd hand back in an instant to have you back.

Earlier today, your sister was playing with your little brother Milo. She is so sweet with him - both her and Nico are - and she was cracking him up and he was laughing the way only a toddler can. I was cleaning the dishes as they were chasing each other around and I caught myself smiling from listening to them play and laugh and then that sudden sting, the thought that so often cuts through; what would it be like if you were here playing with them right now? How would you interact and play with your siblings? I don’t think that will ever stop.

And just a few days ago, as I was preparing something for your workout that people are doing today, Milo was next to me and he looked at your picture and said "Mimo". Mimo is what he calls himself.

I held a speech at a friend’s gym in the morning before doing your workout at the gym afterwards that I've dreaded for some time now. Not because I don't want to speak about you, because I do, all the time, but because today, I didn't know if I could. The speech was on courage and grief and courageous is not what I feel. 

As I sit here and write, I hear ambulances drive by and it makes the pain even more real. That moment when I was to find out my whole world had fallen apart.

As I said in my speech earlier, you are not the wound, you are the why. I miss you always, Lilla Bebisen.

Pappa alskar dig.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

Washington Irving